So, you've been dating your girl for a little while and you start to think that maybe you've won her over, you may have even charmed a few of her friends and made a good impression at her office holiday party. But don't think you're out of the woods just yet. Be careful not to get too comfortable just because you've made headway with her social circle, there's a much more important clique to crack: her family.
Your first foray into family life will most likely be a meeting with her siblings rather than her parents. Whatever you do, don't discount the sibling opinion in the dating world. While mom and dad are important to win over, siblings are often close in age and in personality and can be tougher to fool. Impressing them is not only difficult, it's important: Her brothers and sisters are likely to play a role in any eventual parental-approval process, either talking you up or talking you down as they see fit.
The basics apply when you meet anyone you're trying to impress, so it's best to do some research before diving in. Ask your girlfriend for details on basic family dynamics, their sense of humor, their professions and hobbies. Because your lack of familiarity with marine biology or professional bowling is understandable, do a little research if things are foreign to you. Not only will it impress your girlfriend that you've taken such an interest, it will also make your initial conversation flow more smoothly if you don't have to ask dumb questions about her sister's job or brother's hobby.
Your action plan for that first meeting still needs to be fine-tuned depending on whether you're meeting her brother or her sister -- each has a different set of things that are going to impress or annoy them. Read on for a few tips on how to ace that first meet and greet.
win over her sisterCharm her
You managed to land a girlfriend, so one would assume you know a little about charming the ladies, and those skills are going to come in handy when you meet your girlfriend's sister. The key is to combine that winning charm with your best job interview manner to ensure you don't flirt and come off looking like you're hitting on your girlfriend's sister. Keep your comments and conversation light, yet flattering.
Obviously, you won't be able to steer clear of first-date type topics like her job or last vacation, but you do have to avoid typical date-like answers. Put away your carefully practiced answers and try to act like you're talking to someone from the office instead. Remember, you aren't trying to impress her as a woman, you just want to impress her as a person. Keep asking questions and make sure you involve both your girlfriend and her sister at all times to avoid any possibility of flirting accusations.
Dig a little
One of the best things about meeting her family -- really, one of the only good things -- is the opportunity to dig for dirt on your girl. Sisters have all the gossip on formative years and possibly current states of mind too. Ease into asking questions about your girlfriend and what she was like growing up, and let sis direct the type of stories that are appropriate to be shared. She'll be impressed that you want to know more about their collective childhood and she'll relax telling familiar stories.
Women are well aware that this optional story time isn't for everyone, so just by asking you signal your intent to be a suitor rather than just a casual date, which is one of the main things the sister will want to know. And yes, you are allowed to laugh if the anecdotes are exceptionally funny and/or embarrassing, but don't stoop to making fun of your girlfriend or you could risk looking like a traitor.
Dress well
You never have a second chance to make a first impression. Any impression you make in the first few minutes can be crucial considering women are known for sizing up men quickly, concisely, and in their minds, accurately. Your initial impression is multi-faceted, so you need to put thought into your appearance, not just your conversation. Humans are visual creatures and you'll want to display that you are well-kept and suitable rather than dirty and slovenly.
What you wear also gives a great opportunity to express yourself and let your personality shine, so throw on clothes that both look good and give a little insight into what you're all about. This helps give a quick idea of what kind of guy you are and can even be a point of conversation. For example, wearing a great jacket you picked up the last time you were in Paris can be a great conversation point if you get stuck for something to say later on in the meet and greet.
Share details
If you've been dating your girlfriend for more than a week, you've likely noticed a few quirks and peculiarities. Some might drive you crazy and others might just make you laugh. Sisters are great people to share those little tidbits with since she can possibly confirm that you aren't imagining these things.
Let's say you've noticed that your girlfriend always watches horror movies with her eyes closed or avoids eating foods that are purple; her sister might have insight into the whys of her quirks and she might also have a few good ones for you to keep an eye out for in the future. You'll win points here by looking like you're paying attention to your girlfriend and noticing what stands out about her, neither of which are bad ideas.
Divide and conquer
Sisters are often competitive, and the last thing you want to do is spark jealousy by focusing too much on one or the other. Since you spend lots of time with your girlfriend, and not so much with her sister, make sure to treat your new friend as a separate entity and not just like a third wheel on your date.
Ask questions that don't focus solely on your girlfriend; she might be sensitive if her sister has always been the center of attention and that might be enough to leave her with a bad taste in her mouth. Ask about her job or an accomplishment that she is proud of, she'll be doubly impressed that you asked and that her sister told you about it.
win over her brotherSincere common ground
Any time you find yourself having a conversation with another guy for the first time, it's common for talk to fall into some pretty broad categories: sports, cars, work, hobbies, and women. Obviously, you'll be avoiding the topic of women, so you'll need to discover other categories for something to spark her brother's interest. That advance research should help give you hints about what her brother does and how he spends his time, which will then give you clues as to what will get him talking.
It's best not to try and feign interest in a topic that bores you to death or that you are completely clueless about, unless you're an Oscar-worthy actor -- you may end up with a brother-in-law who loves that you're so into collecting stamps and you're bound to get busted eventually.
Keep it clean
As mentioned above, conversations with her brother will be devoid of all talk of women and sex. If you are going to talk about your girlfriend, avoid anything that could suggest that she has any knowledge of carnal activities at all. It might seem obvious, but if you feel pressured for things to say or alcohol is involved, you might trick yourself into thinking that the guy code transcends the fact that you're dating his sister. It doesn't. He doesn't want to hear it and you definitely don't want him to think that you would talk that way in front of or about his sister.
Ditto for dirty jokes and suggestive comments: Risque movies or magazines, strip clubs, sleepovers at your place or how your girlfriend can't function in the morning without a pre-coffee romp are all off limits. A brother doesn't want to be able to associate you with anything inappropriate for his wholesomely PG sister and the lifestyle he prefers to imagine her having -- remember that a brother is just a step below a father, and you wouldn't be sharing your bedroom tales with daddy.
Brotherly protector
Brothers are protective and take their sister's safety quite seriously. Some of the main things he'll be sizing up is whether or not you look trustworthy, sane, loyal, and protective. He wants to know that someone is looking out for his sis and is capable of treating her well, especially if he isn't around to do it himself.
You'll want to be subtle about it, there's no need to make up wild stories of 1 a.m. alley brawls in defense of her honor, but you need to portray those qualities somehow to get a seal of approval. His endorsement is impossible if he hears stories of bad behavior, disrespect or debauchery. Even if it was as simple as taking a look at her busted stereo or not letting her walk alone late at night. Let him know that if he feels like his sister's basic safety needs are being met, he'll be able to relax.
Home court advantage
One of the most-believed superstitions in sports is home court advantage -- and it isn't all fallacy. The mental edge gained from familiar surroundings can be enough to boost a player beyond normal limits. It might seem counterproductive, but the best move is to suggest meeting up at place that is familiar turf for her brother rather than you and voluntarily give up your home court advantage.
Letting him choose the venue or the activity will make him feel in charge, more comfortable and less threatened. The subliminal message you send when you offer up home court advantage in a situation where most would want it is one of self confidence and ease -- her brother is sure to see that as a good thing.
Familiarly unfamiliar
The last thing to keep in mind is that you aren't there to make a new friend. You're being introduced for two reasons only: 1) So her family can meet who she is dating and 2) So that you can meet those who are important to her. Just because you're close to your girlfriend and feel like you can talk about anything, doesn't mean that feeling extends to her family right off the bat, especially not her brother.
Even if there is going to be a friendship between the two of you in the future, it won't be automatic, so remember that you aren't his buddy yet. With that in mind, keep conversation topics general and non-confrontational to make sure you don't insinuate familiarity that hasn't yet been built. He's bound to get his back up if he feels you've overstepped the boundaries so avoid talking money, sex, politics, and religion during your first get together at all costs. There's no sense alienating him right away by putting him under the microscope.
a family affairMeeting family members can be pretty stressful and is much more important than impressing her friends. Making a good first impression can mean the difference between chilly family dinners and warm holiday receptions, so make sure you do it right. Her brothers and sisters can prove to be a tricky bunch. They may feel like your peers, but they are most definitely not to be treated as such, at least not in the beginning.
If you are ever in doubt about what to do or say, there's always the best fall-back plan around: Show your girlfriend respect and treat her well, regardless of whether or not you have an audience, and her family won't have any cause for complaint.
